Wow. It is crazy to think that I am already back in Norman for my senior year. While my first threes years were full of unique experiences, I never would have imagined all of these recent events occurring. Although it has been a struggle to get through the pandemic, as I am sure everyone can agree with, I am looking forward to completing my senior year and pursuing my future. To start off, I am psychology major on the pre medicine track. Ever since I took psychology in high school I found studying the mind and the way people act so interesting. However, I always had the goal of becoming a physician which explains the pre-med track. Although I am an OU student, I still consider myself a proud Texan. I come from a relatively small town in East Texas where high school football is king and perhaps the most famous thing is that Matthew Mccounaughey graduated from my high school (he even came to our high school graduation this year to give a speech!). Wikimedia Commons : Longview High Scho
Hey Neal! I see that you are rather far ahead with your portfolio, so I am not sure if any of my comments will make an impact on your decision making, but nonetheless it looks fantastic! I am so impressed with how far you are able to get ahead with the project, it looks like you are about done? Wow! I bet that is a real time saver for you. I wish I could find the motivation to just knock it all out at once. I really like that your introduction is done from the perspective of Shiva, I think that is so cool and something I have not seen anyone else do yet. I genuinely have no idea what to say about your storybook because it is just that cool, I love how much thought has gone into all of the stories and how interesting of a perspective you have created. Anyways, I look forward to seeing how this evolves in the future (if you are not yet finished) overall, it looks amazing!
ReplyDeleteHi Neal!
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook so far and you're already so far ahead which is great! The way you did everything from Shiva's point of view makes your stories really immersive and gets the reader really into it. Your attention to detail is great as well, I can picture everything in my mind and it is obvious you are a great writer. Another thing I like about your story book is that you are not afraid to break the fourth wall. This really brings the reader into the story and gets them involved. It really gives me Deadpool vibes if you have read the comics or watched the movie. I honestly cannot tell you what to improve on, except to make it longer so I can read more. The only thing I would ask is if you could go into a little more detail on the fight scenes because I know with the amount of detail you go into they would be great.
I am excited to see what else you come up with!
Hi Neal!
ReplyDeleteSo far I have read your first entry of your storybook! I thought it was a very interesting read. I particularly liked how you had different points of view, the first being this sort of omniscient presence and then having a first person point of view for Sharabha. When I got to the middle of your story, I was a little bit confused. I read that Hiranyakashipu was neither person nor animal, so only he could defeat Hiranyakashipu. However, as I read on I learned that you actually meant Narasimha was neither human nor animal. I know it is such a minor detail, but seeing as you are so far ahead, maybe this could be the little thing you decide to fix in the future, unless it was meant to be there! Nevertheless, I lived reading your story and I will definitely come back in the future to finish reading the other two that you have written! Thank you for sharing!
Hi Neal!
ReplyDeleteI read your introduction post so far and I think you did a fantastic job! I also really enjoyed your set up that ive seen so far! The image you chose helps picture each character better! I thought it was a geat idea of you to introduce shiva the way you did. It sets up the information for the reader well and the way you personified him was great! The small details like how you mentioned how Shiva is hesitant in talking about the story of his son makes reading more engaging and easy to follow! You have gotten quite far ahead in your project, great job! I cant wait to read the other stories and also the perspective of shivas wife and how you personify her as well! I will defintely be sure to come back and read the rest! keep up the great work!
Hi Neal! I have only read your introduction up to this point, but I really like the topic that you chose to write about. I am also so impressed that you have made so much progress on your story! I always have trouble making myself sit down to write, but I think that if I actually took some time out of my day and decided to write, I could probably get a lot of my project done. I am enjoying the way that you write, and I think our story topics are a bit similar, with talking about the different goddesses, which I think is super cool! I don't really have any critiques at this point, but I don't know much about Shiva, so I am excited to learn more. I haven't really seen anyone else use any of these topics, so bonus points for creativity! Your storytelling is excellent, and I will definitely be back to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Neal!! I am very impressed with how far your entire project has come already, you are way ahead of everyone else, that's awesome! And better yet, although you finished before many others there were no signs of decreased quality!! Your storybook is AMAZING and I really enjoy hearing all of these stories from the perspective of Shiva. I think it is really great when you essentially have a conversation with the reader through the voice of Shiva, it makes everything feel more personal and real. I wonder what would happen in the stories if we could get more conversation and dialogue with the other characters, I think it could really benefit the stories as a whole. What if you were able to use more paragraphs to break up certain texts? I think this would make the reading feel a lot lighter and easier, but the way you have it is still great. Overall, super good work!! Cheers!
ReplyDeleteHi Neal!
ReplyDeleteI have read your second story and it was very interesting! I actually didn’t know that the pets could show loyalty in that way! It was really cool to see where the loyalties lie. I loved that you provided a source of consistency in the story. Parvati takes her bath nightly; at the same time, I assume. I like how you added the fact that Shiva knew this was a routine and also knew that Parvati would be mad if he entered during her time. Later in the story, before Shiva cuts off Ganesh’s head, I think there could have been more altercations if that is what lead Shiva to cutting his head off. The fact that Shiva beheaded Ganesh after one altercation makes him (Shiva) look like he’s short tempered and quick to react to something that wasn’t as serious as he made it out to be. Other than that, it was a wonderful story, just like the first one I read!
Hi Neal! I am back from last week to read your first story, and I am very impressed! I really like the way that you write so conversationally as if Shiva is actually speaking with the reader. I think you could also add some dialogue to strengthen the story, but since you are writing in such a specific way, I do think that your story is great without any dialogue too! Thank you for adding in the origins of Sharabha. I don't have any previous knowledge about this topic, so it would have made it a bit difficult to understand, but I think you did an excellent job of explaining it. I think this first part of the story did a fantastic job of setting up the rest, and both added a lot of information, but not too much to get overwhelmed. Hope your editing is going well, as you seem to be done with the original piece! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you introduced your portfolio to us. Your introduction is amazing and stood out to me because of the way you decided to introduce it to us. I like how you made it to seem like it was your actual family, it adds a plus to your stories since they are all technically related to you. I enjoy how you are using all animals for your stories because that is what I am doing too, but most of all my stories are adventuring stories dealing with animals. I think the most feedback I could give you on your portfolio would be to maybe use more dialogue because it adds more character to your story. Overall, your portfolio is set up very good and makes me want to try harder on mine to do better. Good job and keep it up for the rest of the semester!
Hey Neal, I enjoyed how you used the introduction as a place to give the perspective of the Shiva, the main character you are focusing on for this section of your animal-themed portfolio website; it is so creative! The personalization of each story is what makes your portfolio stand out. I enjoyed reading about the third eye because this is something that I already have some knowledge of, but throughout your descriptions, I learned that this is the most significant feature that Shiva holds and how the value stems from the burning of the god of desire, Kamadeva. This was something that I did not know before! Overall, I think you did a great job of laying out your portfolio plan through your introduction and I look forward to reading more about the significance of animals in the Indian culture and the power that each of them holds in their individual deities.
ReplyDeleteHi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI love animals and animal stories, so that is why I chose to read your storybook.
I like your introduction. Your narrating character seems very solid and real. I feel like the way you wrote it allowed us to bypass getting to know the character and just immediately know them already. For some writers this would not work, but you pulled it off!
From reading your first story, I can tell we are going to be learning a lot by reading your storybook. I like how informative you made the beginning.
Wow, your second story really drew me in! I enjoyed the humorous elements throughout, and you did a great job at building intrigue. What story is he going to tell? What happens next? The revealing ending was very amusing. Poor Parvati!
And what a great middle story, perfectly placed for your segue into Parvati's narration in the third story.
Reading a story narrated by Parvati really demonstrates your skill at writing characters. We can totally see a difference in the storytelling voice!
Hello Neal, this is a fantastic story. I really enjoy how you combined the aspects from the original story with your own unique twist. It allowed for a clear and better understanding of the plot. You have created a solid character line, and you introduced them very well. I enjoyed the animal interactions. I have read other stories following this plotline, and you did an outstanding job of showing Shiva's perspective. It was a great idea to add some humor to your story. You used this technique in a creative way. I think you can most definitely expand on your story and go further into the plot. One great way to do this is to think about ways to grow your character in the story. A character build is a great way to show morals and themes in your story. Since the majority of the stories we read have a theme following behind it is easy to show this in your stories as well. You are a great writer, keep up the great work. I will be looking forward to see where you take this plot if you chose to excel with it further.
ReplyDeleteHi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI had a lot of fun reading your story, it was awesome! I really liked the way you were able to write off the original story and give it twists and details on your own. I personally enjoy dialogues in the story so adding more would be incredible to your story. I like how you made it to seem like it was your actual family, it adds a plus to your stories since they are all technically related to you. Using the animals was a good call and I hope to put some animal characters into my story as they are mostly human. I think you are going to be able to expand on this story to make it longer as I want to read more about Shiva and her son! Overall, your whole project is awesome and it was a lot of fun to read and analyze. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story about Sharabha and how you included both the story of how Sharabha defeated Narasimha and the story of why Narasimha came into existence in the first place. It was really interesting how by taking the form of Narasimha, Vishnu could get so caught up in being a monster that he forgot who he actually was! My favorite part was the scene where Shiva has to make sure he doesn't actually hurt Vishnu, so he severs all of his limbs to immobilize him, and then Vishnu remembers who he is and is able to just leave the body of Narasimha and return to heaven.
I liked how your author's note explains the different sources that you got your story from and the different versions of Narasimha that appear in each, and how you explained the reasons for the choices you made in your story and which version they come from.
Hi Neal!
ReplyDeleteI loved, loved, loved how many photos you included in this Storybook. That has been my number one suggestion this semester anytime I'm reviewing someone's Storybook so it's awesome that you already have that pretty much down. Your Storybook looks very pleasing to the eye as well so I wouldn't recommend any changes there. I love how colorful everything is!
I also really love the topic you chose for this Storybook as I don't really know much about Shiva so it was very interesting to learn. Your Author's Notes were detailed and informative as well so I don't have any criticisms there either. Your introduction was nice as well since it gave your reader plenty of information about what was to come. My favorite story was the first one about Narasimha.
Overall, everything looks very nice and I enjoyed learning more about Shiva as I went along. I look forward to seeing how it finally turns out. Good job.