Old: As Rama took the throne, he could not forget his loyal follower, Hanuman. The powerful monkey deity had saved his brother, wife, and aided in the war effort. For all he had done, Rama must surely reward Hanuman greatly. He remembered the great mountain that Hanuman had seized to bring the medicine fruit to bring back his slain soldiers and brother. Thus, Rama decided Hanuman shall became the king of the Himalayas so that he may protect India from invaders and watch over the medicine plant for Rama. Upon hearing the news Hanuman, flew to begin his kingdom.
New:
As Rama took the throne, he could not forget Hanuman. The monkey deity had saved his brother, wife, and aided in the war effort.
For all he had done, Rama must surely reward Hanuman.
He remembered the mountain that Hanuman had seized to bring the medicine plant back to his slain soldiers and brother. Rama decided Hanuman shall became the king of the Himalayas so that he may protect him from future Rakshasas and watch over the medicine plant. Upon hearing the news Hanuman, flew to begin his kingdom.
Time went on until one day Hanuman met his brother Bhima...
Author's Note: The difficult part in any microfiction revision was finding words to eliminate to allow for more details. I was kind of unsure on how to do it until I saw I had a lot of unnecessary details describing Hanuman. I felt that adjectives such as powerful and loyal were obvious with him. I did add other details though to make it more clear on Hanuman's roles such as protecting from Rakshasas. I also included a part at the end to show the connection of Hanuman in the Mahabharata as well.
![Bheema And Hanuman (527) (Amar Chitra Katha) [Paperback] [Feb 01, 2011] Anant Pai: Anant Pai: 9788190599054: Amazon.com: Books](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91pPTnYB2bL.jpg)
Hi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI like how directly you approached this project. I came at it with a very different strategy and just made my own story, but many times it is harder to eliminate aspects of an existing story! I think that this skill will help you a lot in the future, as writing concisely is very impressive and often necessary in both academic and public works.
Hi Neal,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job in writing a micro-fiction off of a short story. However, I think that it was a bit too similar in wording and phrasing with the original. I wonder if you could have put your own twist to the story to make it seem more yours. I'll probably try to do a micro-fiction myself at some point so wish me luck!
Hey, Neal!
ReplyDeleteProps to you for revising a microfiction like this! It can be challenging if you are trying to stay within the constraints of word or character count. However, it is often these restrictions that breed creativity. I appreciate how you broke the text up into smaller chunks. It certainly helps with visibility and the like.
I wonder if this would be worth exploring in a follow-up microfiction? This might give you a change to explore the same story from Hanuman's perspective?
Cheers,
Chris